You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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