tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is Oprah even human
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
