Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
