dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
