I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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