im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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