Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
