I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
