literally had 100 drinks last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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