his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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