butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so let's talk penis.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
