So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
