so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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