How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
