I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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