That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
