he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Send help, water and tortillas.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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