Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
