We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
