i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
