i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
