I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
