ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
