How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Little spoons don't ask big questions
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
