I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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