you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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