Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
