Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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