she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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