i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
