There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
