I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
