Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
