All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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