a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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