Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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