Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you will always have a special place in my vag
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
