I can tuck mytits in my pants
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Farmville is her only friend.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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