Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
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Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
