i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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