It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.