Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.

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  (310): If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels. http://tfl.nu/zmdk
  Replies (10) Good night (990) Bad night (1458)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?

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  (248): I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob? http://tfl.nu/efyh
  Replies (44) Good night (783) Bad night (3406)
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  (315): View more from New York

  yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.

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  (315): yo dibs on the gosselin haired one. http://tfl.nu/wh5x
  Replies (7) Good night (756) Bad night (3726)
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  (415): View more from California

  MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?

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  (415): MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone? http://tfl.nu/5bs9
  Replies (14) Good night (717) Bad night (2973)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.

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  (856): You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/7ekl
  Replies (3) Good night (797) Bad night (1660)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck

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  (773): They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck http://tfl.nu/dsuf
  Replies (8) Good night (2010) Bad night (746)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.

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  (416): You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it. http://tfl.nu/a4tp
  Replies (6) Good night (2873) Bad night (1143)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.

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  (609): I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception. http://tfl.nu/z6mj
  Replies (13) Good night (1821) Bad night (1276)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories

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  (802): I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories http://tfl.nu/5xj5
  Replies (3) Good night (1834) Bad night (796)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?

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  (832): Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing? http://tfl.nu/oh1w
  Replies (10) Good night (773) Bad night (447)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit

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  (514): He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit http://tfl.nu/ybl7
  Replies (4) Good night (429) Bad night (888)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.

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  (317): I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis. http://tfl.nu/cvxz
  Replies (5) Good night (528) Bad night (205)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  The apocalypse has arrived.

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  (320): For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment. (1-320): The apocalypse has arrived. http://tfl.nu/kypn
  Replies (1) Good night (497) Bad night (252)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source

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  (503): i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source http://tfl.nu/1syu
  Replies (0) Good night (446) Bad night (212)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.

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  (850): So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this. http://tfl.nu/uwka
  Replies (10) Good night (588) Bad night (272)

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