Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
