just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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