Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
