Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
