I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
