i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
