Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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