woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
