i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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