Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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