I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize