then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
