Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
