Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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