But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
