I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
