That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
