I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
