we're chasing vodka with high fives
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
