Buhtt sex?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
