your thong is hanging out like whoa
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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