He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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