We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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