What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
