Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
