I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
