just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
