She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
