the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i drank out of a bidet.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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