He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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