I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
