dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's like heaven, but drunker
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
