So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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