I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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