im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
