New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
