The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
