I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
