Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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